It’s funny.
I had a friend once. Pretty girl, very sure of herself, but not so sure at the same time. I thought if I were a bit more like her and a lot less like me then perhaps I would get along in life- do a little better, be more interesting, have a bit more money. Our lives have moved in coincidental circles, for years we were like a Venn diagram, with my feelings towards her moving from adoration to hatred at the swing of the pendulum. I hated the way she made me feel- like I couldn’t compete with her but at the same time I ridiculed her. I laughed at her gaudy way and how she could seem intelligent when it was sheer ignorance. It was all a game, a trick, a test to see if her companions matched her, if they could see through her. I tried to break down an invisible wall. We spent days together (her evenings, of course, spent with whomever the love of her life was at this time) smoking and drinking, talking about our lives and trying to put the world to rights as if we owned it, as if the world was ours for the taking and we were the ones intuitive enough to figure out its mystery. I only wanted to take it from her.
Any now we don’t speak, drifted apart like shattered glasses. We were never that subtle.
And I miss her now more than I ever did.
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