I have grand designs for my new house. Well, when I say “grand designs” basically I mean making it as tacky, overblown and as kitsch as my meagre budget and facilities will allow. Of course I would love to be able to draw all over the walls and plaster every surface with a layer of glitter, paint the well pink and blow up the shed but unfortunately this is an ambition of mine that will surely have to wait.
My intention is eventually to maybe do some more painting. Well, when I say “painting” I mean throwing paint all over two pages on an art book, usually picking the colours red yellow and black, chucking glitter all over the top (one may notice a trend here), shutting the page and sitting on top of it for half an hour listening to tapes of Radiohead which I agrovatingly have to rewind, fastforward and turn over anytime I want to listen to anything particular. This would often be hindered by the fact I had painted the tapeplayer with glitter (…) and thus I would listen to the refrain from “Just” and it would be time to open the book again, where I would meet with a explosion of acrylic and tiny little bits of silver foil. THAT is how I got my Art GCSE, and I don’t regret a moment of it.
Although I don’t want to do that anymore. Likewise I don’t want to paint any more pictures of boats, shells, I don’t want to emulate the style of Turner and I most certainly do not want to copy any more Frieda fucking Kahlo’s. I envisage myself now, cigarette in one hand, can of coke in the other, pen in mouth doodling basically enlessly all summer taking brief breaks to write more ridiclous blogs and to go to work, where I will write more blogs. I might turn the shed into my studio seeing as I can’t blow it up. Who was that guy who blew up the shed? I saw it at the Tate Modern. Oh well.
So anyway yes I am full of great big fat huge ideas and, as is always the way, I don’t currently have the means to undertake any of them. Just you wait though- I am getting passionate again.

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